how to simulate the tugboat feeling
you have tugboat life envy? I have tugboat life envy. Envy no more! now you can enjoy the same benefits tugwomen/men have in the comfort of your own home:
2. Replace your closet door with a curtain.
3. Five hours after you go to sleep, have your significant other whip open the curtain, shine a light in your eyes, and say “time to go on watch”.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle. Move the shower head down to chest level. Install the hot/cold, on/off valves backwards.
5. When you take a shower, turn off the water while soaping.
6. Every time there is a storm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you’re nauseous.
7. Put diesel fuel in your humidifier instead of water, and set it on “high”.
8. Using a spray bottle filled with diesel fuel, lightly mist your clothes.
9. Don’t watch TV, except for videos in the middle of the night. Take a vote on which one to watch, and then watch a different one.
10. Leave a lawn mower running in your living room 24 hours a day, to provide the proper noise level and exhaust odor.
11. Have your paperboy give you a haircut.
12. Store all your trash beside the chimney in the sun for a month.
13. Wake up every night and eat a peanut butter sandwich.
14. Make up your family’s menu one month ahead.
15. Set your alarm clock for random times. When it goes off, run outside and break out a fire hose.
16. Once a month, take apart every major appliance in your home, and put it back together again.
17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot, and let it cook for 6 to 8 hours. Call it tugboat coffee.
18. Invite six to eight people you don’t really like to stay with you for two or three months.
19. Install a reading light under your coffee table, and do all of your reading there.
20. Raise all the doorway thresholds, and lower all the top sills in your home, so every time you pass through you hit your head or bang your shins.
21. Lockwire all the lug nuts on your car.
22. When baking cakes, prop up one side while baking. Then, when finished, level it up with frosting.
23. Every so often, throw your cat in the swimming pool, and yell “Man Overboard!”